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Conan: My first guest this
evening, of course, can be seen every Tuesday as Buffy, the Vampire
Slayer. And this Saturday [15 May], she's hosting the season finale of
Saturday Night Live. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the
lovely Sarah Michelle Gellar. [Cheers and applause]
Sarah: They're all my dates
later tonight.
Conan: Oh, really?
Sarah: Yeah.
Conan: Headed out with them
later on. [Catcalls from audience]
Conan: All right, fellas,
calm down.
Sarah: Wait. I have to tell
you something.
Conan: You have to tell me
something, yes.
Sarah: I have to tell you
something. So I got here the other night.
Conan: Mm-hmm.
Sarah: And I check into my
hotel. And I was all tired. I went to sleep, and I had this
dream. You were in my dream.
Conan: Yes!
Sarah: And in my dream, you
were my boyfriend.
Conan: Yes! You
could...
Sarah: Only... [to
audience] I'm sorry. You can be in my dream tonight.
Conan: This is the best
interview I've ever had.
Sarah: Wait, wait.
But I saw you, and then after that, I couldn't see you because I'm so short
next to you that I was sort of talking to your stomach and your chest the
rest of the dream.
Conan: I wish you would
have stopped at the earlier part, and I would have been happy.
Sarah: But it was you, and
I knew it was you, and I kept calling you by your name.
Conan: That is so cool.
Sarah: I kept saying
Johnny.
Conan: Do you think...is
this because...are you...you don't think about me that often?
Sarah: I think it's because
you're the last thing I think about before I go to sleep.
Conan: Oh.
Sarah: The last thing I see
before I go to sleep.
Conan: Okay, all right. I
have to get you...
Sarah: You'll be in my next
dream.
Andy: What about me?
Come on, a little sloppy seconds?
Conan: No, Andy.
That's not right.
Sarah: You have some
audience tonight.
Conan: Yes, yeah.
It's the American Gladiators crowd that we have. Now, you know,
last time you were on the show, you were upset because we ran an "if
they mated," which said that you and Matthew Perry from Friends
had dated. And we showed what - because you're dating, we thought - we
showed what your child would look like if you were to have a child.
Sarah: Right.
Conan: And you were like,
"well, I never really dated him. That's not fair."
Sarah: Not to mention, that
child was very unattractive.
Conan: Well, I thought we'd
make things up to you tonight. Because you say you had a dream about
me. Let's do an "if they mated" with you and me. Let's
put that up right now. Now, you've been dreaming about me.
That's the best picture of me we could find. Starring in "the
Gomer Pyle story." And let's just see what would happen if we had
a child. I'm just curious. Can we just see that right now?
Why? I blew it.
Andy: I'm genetically
sound.
Conan: I've got the
goofball gene. Leaks all over the place. You know, I saw...I
wanna talk to you about something tonight. I saw this movie The
Mummy last night.
Sarah: Right.
Conan: And I've noticed in
a lot of horror films when they update them, or TV shows, they change the
ways that you can kill the monster. Like, they start adding these
arbitrary ways. Like, The Mummy, I never heard this before, but
in the movie, The Mummy, the mummy, which is really cool looking, is
coming after these guys. And they hold up a cat. Swear to God.
Sarah: Is it a black cat?
Conan: No, not even a black
cat. It's like a nice-looking cat.
Sarah: Really?
Conan: And they hold it up,
and the mummy goes, "grr!" And the cat goes,
"meow." And they say he fears cats.
Sarah: I fear cats, because
the first year on my show, everyone got two pictures when their credit came
up with their name. I got my picture and a cat.
Conan: That's it?
Sarah: I never
understood. Yeah, "Sarah Michelle Gellar" and then there was
a picture of a cat. And everyone else got two pictures of...you know,
like two Nicholas Brendons and two Alyson Hannigans. So, I fear cats.
Conan: Well, but I was
thinking to myself, like, they just made that up arbitrarily.
Cats. When you kill a vampire, do you gotta just stick to just the
stake through the heart? What are the ways? Or do you make up
new ones?
Sarah: No, no, it's old
lore, the way to kill a vampire...stake through the heart, beheading, holy
water and sunlight. And stake.
Conan: You said stake.
Sarah: Stake doesn't kill
them. It draws...it moves them back.
Conan: It raises their
cholesterol.
Sarah: A cross moves them
back.
Conan: "Heart
clogging!" "Eat more, Dracula." Sorry, I'm acting
like a boob. No, 'cause I've noticed that sometimes they add...you go
and see a movie, and they add, they throw another one in. The vampire
can be killed by killed by sunlight. You know, a stake through the
heart. Jazz music.
Sarah: No, no. We
very clearly stated in the first episode what the rules were.
Conan: You guys saw
crossbow, too, I think.
Sarah: Yes, well, it's a
wooden arrow on the crossbow, so it's sort of the same idea as a stake.
Conan: So anything wood, I
mean.
Sarah: Exactly.
Conan: So you could shoot a
wooden chair leg or something.
Sarah: Yes, yes.
Conan: This desk.
Sarah: We've done
that. We've done that. I think I actually used chop sticks in my
hair once to kill. Take 'em right out of the hair and got him.
Conan: So if there's
anything with wood.
Sarah: Anything wood.
Conan: Okay, now I'm
set. Don't add cats. It ruined The Mummy for me.
Sarah: We had a cat in the
scene, but it didn't behave very well, so...
Conan: It was disposed of
immediately, yeah. Now, you do a lot of stunts on the show, and we've
talked about that before. But I understand they're pretty...they're
very physical, and you're very graceful doing them. But in real life,
you said in print interviews that I've read that you're a kind of a
klutz. Is that true?
Sarah: I'm an amazing
klutz. If there is a wire, I'll manage to trip on it. And I
always say that when you go on airlines, and I always sit by the window so
that I can put my head back. You know, it slopes on a plane. And
every time I get on, I hit my head there. I'm just...I think that I
make it, but every time, I hit my head. And it's like, you'd
think...I've flown six times this month all ready. You'd think I'd
know. And inevitably, every time I hit my head.
Conan: So you're dizzy by
the time plane lands. The other thing I noticed that makes it worse is
you're a celebrity. When anyone else does that people are like,
"hmm, bumped his head. All right, I think I'll have the
chicken."
Sarah: I look like Buffy
the dork.
Conan: Yeah, exactly.
If I bump my head, people are like, "Conan bumped his head. All
right."
Sarah: It makes you common.
Andy: Your manager should,
like, make you wear a foam helmet or something.
Sarah: I tried that
once. My hair looked horrible.
Andy: Just to protect you.
Conan: Wear the foam
helmet.
Andy: It was just a
suggestion.
Conan: Now, you got hurt,
is that right, doing a stunt?
Sarah: I did. Well,
inevitably, like I said, because I am a klutz, I do wind up hurting myself a
couple times during the year. And this year, I had one serious injury
that required a hospital visit. But we waited until lunch, because I
didn't want to ruin the schedule in the middle of the day.
Conan: How serious an...I
mean, was there a stake in your head or something? Or was there...how
serious an injury?
Sarah: It was a cracked
third, the bone here thingy broken. I don't know. Notice I
didn't go to med school. Thank you. Sympathy and
compassion. More than I got from...no.
Conan: So you got hurt.
Sarah: But we had really a
big day, because it was the homecoming episode. And I had to go from
regular street Buffy to homecoming Buffy. Hey, hey, how long did it
take you to get ready for prom? That's all I'm saying. I needed
at least two, three hours.
Conan: There's night
Buffy,
then there's night, night Buffy.
Sarah: That's Sarah right
now. Night, night Sarah.
Conan: Now there's wake-up
Buffy. Yeah.
Sarah: So I went to the
hospital on a lunch break. But I made sure to take my hair and my
makeup artist to the hospital so that while I was in the waiting room,
'cause you know they make you wait for four hours, unless it's some serious
injury.
Conan: Right.
Sarah: And I did my hair
and my makeup change at the hospital by the set.
Conan: That doesn't make it
look very urgent when you're having makeup and hair applied.
Sarah: What if there was a
cute doctor in the ER, though? I wanted to make sure I was ready.
Conan: You'd make his
day. Let me tell you something right now. [meows] Now...
Sarah: Wow.
Conan: Coming out of it
again. I blacked out. Second time. Do they have a special
room...I have no idea. Do they have a special room? Imagine this
is L.A. Do they have a special celebrity room?
Sarah: They do, you
know. If you're in L.A. and your silicone breast is leaking, and you
don't want people to see you, they hide you in the set. They do,
though. When you go to hospital in L.A., they have these sort of rooms
off to the side. Mind you, now that I'm telling the story, there's no
hospital in L.A. that's ever gonna see me. I better hope I never get
into an accident. But they take you to this sort of private room so
you can wait by yourself.
Conan: But what if you get
there and Cher is at the hospital?
Sarah: She takes much more
priority than me.
Conan: Right, yeah.
Andy: A celebrity triage.
Conan: Yeah, yeah,
yeah. "Cher's fake butt just broke. We have to help her."
Andy: Her face came undone.
Conan: You think that
butt's real?
Sarah: Do you have a fake
butt?
Conan: I have a fake butt,
yeah.
Sarah: You do?
Conan: Yeah, well, one
cheek is fake. It was a boating accident. Let's not talk any
more about it.
Sarah: What do they make
fake butts out of, though?
Conan: You don't wanna
know. The finest grade mahogany.
Sarah: You could use it to
kill a vampire.
Conan: That's right.
If I encounter a vampire, come here. Get back here! Where are
you going? I'll get you. You're hosting...it sounds like a good
show. You're hosting Saturday Night Live this weekend.
And it's you, great show with the Backstreet Boys.
Sarah: Yes, I'm very
excited. It's a real honour just to do it in the first place, but to
be asked back and to be asked back for the season finale. It's such an
amazing cast right now and the show, I think, is at a such a high
point. The Backstreet Boys are great. I saw them this morning.
Conan: There are like 15 of
them aren't there?
Sarah: There's an
entourage.
Conan: No, I always see
like 15 guys that...
Sarah: Five, right?
Conan: I don't.
Sarah: This is looking
really bad for me. Thank you, thank you.
Conan: Yeah, yeah.
Sarah: There's five.
Conan: I'm glad I can't
rattle them off. I think that would look bad. There's Kip,
Chuck, Joe, Dee-Dee, L.L. White Guy. All right, well, we've had our
fun. Check out that show. And it's a thrill having you back on
the programme.
Sarah: Thank you.
Conan: It's always nice
talking to you and dream on. Sarah Michelle Gellar everybody. Back
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